Shopping

I love to go shopping. It is great fun, but this week, I have almost decided it is not worth it because of lack of customer service.

My advanced science class is taking home mealworms to raise into beetles. I had to go to "The Fishbowl" to purchase them. Well, there was only one person working period. He had to get fish, birds, hamsters, and mealworms out for whoever. There were like 3o customers. I finally got him to get by worms. He then asked if that would be all. I said yes and proceeded to go to the register. Did he follow? No!!! I waited for 15 minutes to be checked out! If I didn't need them for class, I would have just left.

I then head to Wal-Mart. Unlike most people, I enjoy Wal-Mart. I love to take my time and walk up and down all the aisles and look at stuff I don't need nor will I ever and wonder who buys that. Well, Wednesday I did not have the time to do this. I had to get in, get out, go home, cook supper, and go to church. So, I was on track to get out of there quickly. Well, the first obstacle was my cart. It worked just fine until I put two bags of 40 lb. dog food in it. Then it became that clanging annoying cart that won't turn. I buy dog food all the time and this doesn't happen, so it was the cart. On top of that everyone was there. It was so crowed that you had to go down the aisles twice, one time for each side. Towards the end of the experience all the stockers come out. They close off all the short breaks in the main aisle, so you have to go all the way to the end and back if you needed something on the other side. Then there were only like 5 registers open, so the lines were so long. It was awful! I didn't even make it home in time to unload the car to go to church much less cook dinner. So, we had Taco Bell, and stayed home. I now know why people hate Wal-Mart. They shop on Wednesdays before church. I know I will never again go on Wednesday after school.

There were loose birds in both stores. They were opening the bird food bags at Wal-Mart.

Secret Sins

We all have some secret sins that we participate in. That might not be sins, but we know that it's not healthy to do them as often as we do. Here are a list of mine.

• Sex and the City Reruns
• Online Games at Shockwave
• Reading blogs
• Ice cream with caramel
• Doing nothing
• Procastinating
• Survivor when its on

What are some of your secret or open indulgences?

Lost

I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I want friends to do things with here in Searcy, but I'm too paranoid to go find them. Searcy is a weird place to be if you're a graduate and don't have kids. There is no strong group at churches for people in this position. You still feel like a student especially if you are married to one, but you are an adult. There are not many people in this position, so it drives you to want to have a baby sooner. I want a baby to put me in a different social group, but I can't afford one. I'm not ready mainly because my husband isn't ready. I'm starting grad school in the fall, so I will be a full time employee and student. This will most likely put me in a weirder spot than I am now, but it might give me some outlets for meeting new people.

Ty's job has him working most Sunday mornings. Even though he was told it would be 2 Sundays a month at the most, he has not been off a Sunday since October except for Christmas Day. I am so shy with people that I don't know well, that I can't go by myself. I have a hard time going to church by myself. Most of the time, I just don't go because the anxiety of it is too much for me to handle. I strive for a sense of belonging, but I'm so afraid of not fitting in, that I don't try. My two closest friends live in Texas, so I'm without girls just to hang out with. There are some married friends here that we have, but I'm without a group. I long for a group, but cannot find one. I'm in a weird place, and I hate it.

moving

Oh, how I hate to move. It is the pits. Ty and I are moving into a house. We will be there by Sunday night. We still don't have a refrigerator, and we haven't packed a thing. So not looking forward to the move, but looking forward to the house. I love the way we've remodeled. In one week and one day, we have torn out carpet in three rooms and refinished the hardwood floors, painted 5 rooms and 2 bathrooms, laid ceramic tile in the kitchen and hallway. Today we are laying tile in the bathrooms and laundry room. I am sore, have paint in my hair and have no motivation to pack. Does not sound like a fun filled week.

Boy or Girl

Well, I have to confess to being dumb and blind. At my school we have two teacher restrooms. They both have a huge sign that says "TEACHERS, STAFF, AND VISITORS ONLY" I took that to mean me. Well it is, but I failed to look at the pictures of person with pants or person with skirt. Everyone picks their favorite stall, so since these were one holers, I picked my favorite one. There is not a urinal in either. I picked the one with the person with the pants. I did not use this restroom once or twice, but daily for 12 weeks. I finally discovered my mistake because another teacher brought up using the male's restroom. I was thinking, "There's a male's restroom?" Sure enough, there is. The symbol is the same size as the sign with words, so I have no idea how I missed it. Now, some daily thoughts make sense...."Why is the lid always up? I must come in after the janitor everyday." "Why is there no small trashcan next to the toilet?" and "Why do all the students look at me funny when I leave the restroom? We all do it." Now, I know the answers to those questions. MENS RESTROOM!

Short Hair

Ever since I've been married, my hair has been a dilemma. Ty loves long hair, so I feel I need to wear my hair long. I on the other hand, think that my hair looks much better short. I've kept relatively long hair for two years now. Well, Wednesday, I took the plunge. I chopped about 8 inches off. I didn't even realize my hair was long enough to chop 8 inches off and get the hair cut I love. I got chunky red and blonde highlights in. I love my new hair cut. Ty saw it and said, " I love long hair, but that looks really good." I thought that was pretty good since he was so against the haircut.

It only takes me 3 minutes to do my hair now.
Kyla

Simple Pleasures

Yesterday, during my planning period, I ran and got some lunch at Subway. I have not been there in a long time. Ty prefers Quiznos over Subway, so we rarely go. I love Subway. My only complaint about them is that they serve Pepsi. I want Coke and only Coke. Well, yesterday I decided to go even though they have Pepsi. I ordered my food and right as I got up to pay I saw the best thing in life. Subway has changed to Coke!!! Oh, happy blessed day.

Random note: My hispanic child came to parent/teacher conferences and translated for her father. It was fabulous to see this. I just love that.

Members of the church

Why is it that members of the church seem to hurt us the worst? Recently, my family has been hurt by friends who are members of the church. Am I just expecting more because they are Christians, or do I expect them to not hurt me because of the friendship. I love these people dearly and now I am unsure of my respect for them. I hate that things like this happen. I understand why people leave the church. If you are struggling with being faithful at all and then are hurt, you feel its not worth it. I feel close to this result. I've been struggling with what I believe and what I have faith in, and then I get hurt by people who were helping to hold me up. I feel like crying, and giving up, but I know that is not what I need to do. I need to forgive them and look to God for faith and comfort, but I'm struggling. I don't know what to do. I hate feeling lonely and far away from Christ and my brothers and sisters.

Long time no blog

I have not blogged in like two weeks. Sometimes I go a long time, but never this long except when I was at fireworks.

Sunday, I went to church with my parents. They had a guest speaker who discussed the mission field in India. He mentioned the Hindu class system. Hindus believe that they cannot ever change their role in life. Untouchables always remain untouchables no matter what they do. This caused me to do a lot of thinking about Americans. Do we really think that a class system is so bad? We say that it is bad, but we ourselves take part. People born in poverty almost always stay in poverty. Rich people remain rich. I have students that continue to have an F, no matter what they do. Why do we condemn other cultures, when our own culture does the same thing? I don't feel like I can move out of the place I am in. Our school system sets up some kids for failure. I hate that. I don't know what to do to help them. I feel like I expect too much, but at the same time I know they can handle what they've been told. I would like for Americans to reevaluate their standards and how they view other people. We don't have it all figured it out, and we do have a class system ourself.

Fall

I love the fall!!! It's wonderful! So many great things happen in the fall. There are so many reasons to enjoy life in autumn. I love the colors of the leaves as they change. The holidays in this season are great. Halloween!!! Who could ask for something better than just getting a ton of candy to eat? Thanksgiving!!! Oh, how I love pumpkin pie. I really enjoying going to Wal-Mart and seeing how they have moved all the baking supplies out onto the center aisle. It makes me crave sweet potatoes and all the other fixings of a magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. Even TV stations recognize how wonderful fall is by having season premieres to celebrate. I even like that school starts in the fall. It's a great way to have a chance to start over in the middle of the year. I guess I'm kind of like Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail. I would love to receive a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. It's a great smell. The best spectator sport, football, is in the fall. The most important perfect thing about fall is the cool, crisp air. AAHHH!!! What a relief from the hot summer air. Who could not love fall?

Random Thoughts

I've been thinking about all the split up families a lot lately. This has caused me to think about what I would do if I were separated from my kids or husband. I don't think I could have got on a different plane, bus, or helicopter than these people. I ache for those who are going through the loss and thoughts that their family did not survive. I pray that they can find their families and be a complete family again. I am not a mother yet, but I could not have left my children.

I also watched The Upside of Anger this weekend. It was a complete shocker, but an interesting movie. The thoughts and questions this movie raised are: Does prolonged anger change who you are? or Do you get anger because you changed? I worry about being a bitter and cynical person. I don't want to be angry for so long, that I lose who I am as a person.

It's been a very contemplative weekend.
p.s. Tonight's Extreme Makeover Home Edition was in Clarksville, TN. They filmed this while I was there selling fireworks.

Great Week!!!

• Survivor started! Yippee!!!!
• I got paid today.
• Ty gets paid tomorrow.
• I have gone since Aug. 25 without getting gas.
• I still have a half tank of gas left
• My class finishes their egg lab tomorrow.
• I get to use marshmallows as a class project this week.

Craziness

So today was filled with lots of weird and crazy things. First of all I took egg shells off of about 100 eggs. The eggs were not hard boiled, so it was really weird. An egg feels like a water balloon. I busted one with washing it off. Four of my students busted eggs. It was weird and a fun learning experience for all.

Next, my schedule changed. We have gained so many students recently because of Hurricane Katrina that we have had to add extra sections of science. I now teach one advanced class with 5 regular classes. My conference period has changed too. I lost one of my favorite classes. I'm sad, but I'm very happy to get a class that's actually going to do its homework. I don't know how to handle all the changes because some of the kids were very upset about it.

I hate having to change my gradebook.

Tramatic Weekend

This weekend was not high on my list of favorites. First of all, Friday at school I got blisters on my feet, so I had to deal with that all weekend it. Of all places for the blisters to be, they were on the side of my foot at the joint of my big toe. Translation, every pair of shoes I own hits that spot even flip flops. Not fun.

Saturday morning I had to take Patton to my parents to stay. I have no yard at my house, so my big 80 lb, white haired dog was inside. Even if I vaccumed everyday, his hair was everywhere. Ty's work shirt is black, so Patton's hair showed up all over it. He kept getting in trouble, so Patton had to leave. He will be staying at my parent's house until we have a house with a fenced in yard. So, he might be staying there forever.

I don't like scary movies. I cannot sit through them. They make me feel funny, and they give me bad dreams. Well, Saturday night all of my friends wanted to go see the Exorcism of Emily Rose. They didn't even tell me what we were seeing until we got there, so I couldn't say no. It was awful. I screamed several times and hid my eyes for a lot of it. Thank goodness it wasn't the Skeleton Key. I think I would have cried.

Numbers

just a few numbers going on in my life

• 4 new students today (2 from hurricane katrina)
• 2 students that made 28 % on a test
• 9 days til Survivor
• 5 days til Patriot Day
• 4 days of school this week
• 0 students showed up for d-hall today
• 1 paycheck received
• 14 days til another payday
• 150 messy 7th graders that come into my room
• 1 time I yelled at students
• 1 bad news phone call
• 1 update badnews to not so good news call
• 5 times i talked to my mom on phone
• 5 minutes til my weekly episode of nonchristian tv

Consumed

I am consumed with Hurricane Katrina. I have been watching FoxNews nonstop. I think that it is amazing how much damage one storm can do. I don't know if New Orleans will ever recover. I am in shock about the riots, shooting, rapes, etc. that are going on. I understand looting food, but who needs a big screen t.v. when you don't have power? That I don't understand. What is this going to do to the job market where the refugees are being sent? My brother-in-law opened his camp up for 25 refugees. It's not many, but for those refugees, it's alot. I feel guilty that I can't help.

Just a few questions

If you have an answer, please feel free to try to answer.

- why are seventh graders so unorganized?
- why do apples and bananas turn brown when you cut them?
- where do warts come from?
- who's idea was it for school to start at 8 am?
- when will i feel like a real adult?
- why is it easier to sleep with a fan on than without it?
- why does one of my legs have to be out of the covers while sleeping?
- why are kitchen aid mixers so expensive?
- what's a good rate for buying a house in searcy?
-what's up with closing costs?

i don't know...they've been running through my brain all week.

Jealousy

I'm jealous. Recently, I have come to notice that I am by nature a jealous person. Things I'm jealous of:

• newly married couples who can buy a house
• people who can buy brand name food and clothes
• people who can decorate
• artists
• clean houses
• nice cars
• closeness to God
• friendships
• talent
• ability to lose weight

I realize that most of my jealousy is for material things, but I think about it a lot. It burns in me constantly. I need help and prayers to ease these desires.

Things I love about my job

Well, I was worried about nothing. School starts Friday, but I love working here. I've made friends with a lady named Sue. She's been a lot of support and encouragement. I've been made the 7th grade chair. It's kind of weird, but at the same time it's nice to know that they can recognize my leadership and orginizational skills. I got a big time raise! My principal is so extremely laid back. I get to control the air in my classroom. I work on the hall with a bunch of coaches. I don't look like a 7th grader.

The Jury is Out

Sometimes I tend to be judgemental. I think lots of critizing thoughts, but I rarely voice them. Because I judge people, I always feel like I am being judged. I worry about what other people think about me. I act differently than I normally would because of what I would be thinking if I were that person. I really feel judged by our neighbor, because everytime I see them, my 75lb. dog goes to jump up on them. I can't control him, because he weighs so much. He just runs over and he is so excited. He is only hyper around them, and I feel like they judge me for not being able to control him.

My housecleaning is another huge issue. When you live with Ty being neat is not easy. I'm a neatfreak. I used to not be able to leave for school until my bed was made. That was not because my parents made me, but because I couldn't stand it. I always think people judge me for not being spick and span at my house.

are other people as petty as me, or is it just me? should i be so concerned about other people? are other people as judgemental as me?