Lost

I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I want friends to do things with here in Searcy, but I'm too paranoid to go find them. Searcy is a weird place to be if you're a graduate and don't have kids. There is no strong group at churches for people in this position. You still feel like a student especially if you are married to one, but you are an adult. There are not many people in this position, so it drives you to want to have a baby sooner. I want a baby to put me in a different social group, but I can't afford one. I'm not ready mainly because my husband isn't ready. I'm starting grad school in the fall, so I will be a full time employee and student. This will most likely put me in a weirder spot than I am now, but it might give me some outlets for meeting new people.

Ty's job has him working most Sunday mornings. Even though he was told it would be 2 Sundays a month at the most, he has not been off a Sunday since October except for Christmas Day. I am so shy with people that I don't know well, that I can't go by myself. I have a hard time going to church by myself. Most of the time, I just don't go because the anxiety of it is too much for me to handle. I strive for a sense of belonging, but I'm so afraid of not fitting in, that I don't try. My two closest friends live in Texas, so I'm without girls just to hang out with. There are some married friends here that we have, but I'm without a group. I long for a group, but cannot find one. I'm in a weird place, and I hate it.